Mental Health: Finding Your Voice

No.

Growing up, no was a common household brand. Oddly enough, I think I heard no more often at school than I did at home. My parents fortunately trusted me and if anything, pushed me to say yes more often. The thing is, I liked having my parents as an excuse….

Whenever I got invited to do something, I instantly didn’t want to go. Nothing would ever beat cuddling with  Mr. President, my dog, and not having to share the entire box of mac and cheese. I was an old woman at fifteen, and let’s be honest am still an old cat ~ dog~ lady today.  I traded my queen size bed for a (thankfully no longer lofted) twin XL bed. Mr. President is at home, and no not the White House. My mac and cheese is not split with four roommates, grudgingly *cough cough* happily. The biggest change though is now my go-to excuse is also no where to be found.

I can’t tell my friends my mom said I couldn’t go out. I can’t be worried I’ll be caught sneaking in a 2 am. I can’t claim it’s family night and my parents are uptight. Freshman  year I thought this meant I had to say YES OMG YES to everything.

Without my parents to blame, I felt insecure admitting that I’m a homebody. I didn’t know how to explain that drinking wasn’t and isn’t my favorite go to pastime. It seemed that I needed to fit in and be cool, and staying in just wasn’t part of that.

The other day when watching a new Youtube channel I found, I mentioned to my roommates how I used to have my own Youtube channel. Insane, I know. While I have no desire to go back behind the camera, it did remind me of the confidence I eluded in my senior year of high school despite my tendency to stay in.

The most important take away from that night with my roommates watching my high school self, is that it doesn’t matter if I’m the girl dancing on that table or the girl at home hiding under the table attempting to watch a scary movie. No matter what, I’m me.

My friends love me for me, and I should love me for me too. I don’t have to party to get in time with my friends, just like I don’t always have to be on the go to be considered busy. Last night, I stayed in watching one of my favorite tv shows with one of my best friends, Hey Carlande!, and it was an amazing night. So from now on, I am extremely busy.

Busy being me. 

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