So I am obsessed with Taylor Swift. Even more than that, I feel like her songs describe my life to a T. With her new song out, I feel like it was a perfect time to pull out my apple account ( go T-Swift for standing up for artists against Spotify) and be Fearless in sharing my story.
During middle school and most of high school, to be honest, I felt like a nobody. I felt like I could disappear and no one would notice. I also had the biggest crush in the world on my neighbor, very boy next door, and everyone knew ( even if I like to pretend I was very coy about it). *Key You Belong With Me playing in my bedroom on repeat as I studied* I felt like everyone else was shining and I was just dull. I felt like I needed to prove myself every day, and I feel like this explains a lot about my choices when I first entered college.
A Place in this World
“I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me.” This is exactly how I felt in high school when I was a sophomore/junior and everyone couldn’t stop asking me questions. Where do you want to go to school? What do you want to study? What job do you want?
The thing is, I still don’t even know the answer to this now! The difference is that I no longer get upset by the uncertainty. Who cares if I switch majors, try out a few different internships, or change my mind about my post-grad life. I’m the one living my life.
You’re Not Sorry / Better than Revenge
I was bullied in high school. A lot. Between teammates on my lacrosse team throwing french fries with ketchup on them at me while watching the football game in high school to under the table talks that me and my best friend since 6th grade( hey girl!) were not invited to, it was awful. During the time, I thought it was worth it to eventually end up c closer these “friends.” Or my “friends” pretending that they didn’t know how much their comments like “You look like Hermoine before she got pretty,” and picking sides when one of my “friends” started to date my ex( I would like to add that he wasn’t even my ex, but more a “thing” but high school me definitely counted it as a relationship). Now I know that they aren’t sorry, and probably don’t even realize how much pain they caused. That being said, I’m so happy now. I see my success as the best revenge, and now KNOW that everyone underestimated what a great friend, lover, and supporter I could be.
If This Were A Movie / Love Story
Growing up, and to be honest even now, I would constantly day dream about how my life was supposed to be. Whether about my family, friends, myself, or the future everything was scripted. “If this were a movie, you’d be here by now,” applied to some prince, like from her fab song Love Story, coming to rescue me from what I thought was the worst life ever. The best part of growing up? I now know I don’t need a prince to save me, and while I continue to daydream my life as big motion picture it looks a lot more like How to be Single ( an inspiring movie – GO SEE IT if you haven’t because look at this trick I learned)
“I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror,” was my go to as I entered freshman year. I think now that I’m more than halfway through college, I know there’s no “right” way to do college, yet when I first arrived I definitely did. I found it weird when people like my personality or any qualities at all. You can ask my APPA group from sophomore year, I could just NOT believe they thought I was funny. In the end, I thought everything was make it or break it, and I hid how scared I was until I eventually broke. Now I’ve picked up the pieces and love my brokenly imperfect self.
We are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Sophomore year I dated a guy that I was friends with all of freshman year. For some reason, I was really proud I managed to be friends with a guy and that I didn’t jump right into dating him. Well that did not save me from anything. To this day, dating him and the aftermath the ensured is the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me. He did things that are unspeakable, but even though he did it repeatedly I wanted to see the good in him. He would do despicable things to me, and I would write it off as him going through a hard time. I would let him seep through the walls I built, until his toxicity was soaked up in my blood stream all over again. Now I know what he did was emotional and physical abuse, but when it was happening I just thought fighting was communicating and him forcing what he wanted on me sexually as compromising. Now I get that fighting is fighting and “no” can really just be no in a relationship. I found my voice and stood up for myself, and I can confidently say WE ARE NEVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
I Knew You Were Trouble / All You Had To Do Was Say
We all know who this is about. So all I will say is :
“You drove us off the road. You had me in the palm of you hand, but you drove us off the road.”
“You found me. I guess you didn’t care, and I guessed I liked that, and I when I fell hard you took a step back without me.”
“I knew you were trouble when you walked, so shame on me.”
“Why did you have to go lock me out, after I let you in. Could have been easy. All you had to do was stay.”
“Let me remind you this is what you wanted.”
Shake it Off
I think I left everything from my childhood, high school, and my first two years at college get to me too much. I saw them as defining moments, rather than just mini episodes part of a 80 season tv show. I’m so much healthier and happier now. Whether that’s because I’m single, learned how to use the word no, focused on what makes me happy rather than what makes me look happy, or sheer luck, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m more than excited that I can embrace my alter ego’s Taylor Swift’s message and just pick up and take off to new adventures. Look for new posts as I am *Welcomed* to New York ( get it) for the holidays or I live my Wildest Dreams out in Greece for my spring Semester.
I’ll be queen bee in NYC you will see,